Communication is the foundation of every couple’s relationship but listening to each other can be more challenging than we think. In this post, we explore 10 easy steps on how to be a better listener in a relationship fully understand your partner, and build the way to a thriving connection.
This post is all about how to be a better listener in a relationship.
Let’s be honest, communication in relationships can be a real b*tch. Especially when we keep arguing about the same things, feeling misunderstood is a big part of the problem. Therefore, truly listening to each other is a non-negotiable if you want to build a thriving connection. There are many things to know about your partner, and if you learn how to be a better listener in a relationship you will not only get to know your loved one on a much deeper level but also be able to overcome hurdles and misunderstandings with more empathy and love.
How to be a better listener in a relationship.
1. Be curious
I have always wondered why people don’t really listen. Especially when I was in the dating phase I used to get beyond frustrated with men who would come on a date with me but then not ask me a single question about myself. Even if you have been dating for a long time, I promise you there are still a million things to know about your partner, that will help you understand him better and connect on an even deeper level than you would have ever imagined. Being curious starts with asking new questions and then actually listening to what your loved one has to tell you even if sometimes they might not give you the answer you are wishing for.
2. Be empathetic
If you want to learn how to be a better listener in a relationship start with being empathetic. Always remember that just like you, your partner comes with his own visions, dreams, and fears. Remember that it can be challenging for men to open up about their vulnerabilities to their partner. Therefore, show empathy, be interested, and acknowledge what they share. Say things like:
- Thank you for trusting me with this. It means a lot.”
- “I can tell this is really important to you. I want to understand more.”
- “I appreciate you sharing how you’re feeling.”
- “It’s okay to feel vulnerable. I’ve got your back.”
- “I’m proud of you for opening up about this.”
- I didn’t mean to dismiss how you’re feeling. Let’s talk about it.”
- “I see your point now. Thanks for helping me get it.”
- “I might not fully understand, but I want to.”
- “Your feelings are valid, even if I see it differently.”
Communication is the cornerstone of every couple’s relationship. There are always areas to improve and learn more about each other. Starting with empathy coming from a place of love and the intention to make things work as a team is fundamental to a lasting long-term relationship.
3. Be open-minded
Being open-minded sounds easy, but when your partner has completely different views and ideas, it can be tough to want them to him. But if you want to learn how to be a better listener, you have to have an attitude of wanting to understand and listen even if what is being said doesn’t align with your perspective. And that’s where the true challenge in communication comes from, your partner sees things differently and you acknowledge the right to see things differently in a non-judgemental way. Easier said than done, I know! Therefore, being a good listener can be harder than we think, especially if what our partner says sparks our anxiety!
4. Ask questions, paraphrase
An often-used technique when practicing active listening is paraphrasing and asking questions to show you are attentive.
Phrases you can use are:
- “What I’m hearing is that [summary of experience].”
- “It sounds like [summarize their experience]. Did I get that right?”
- “You’re hoping for [their need or desire], is that correct?”
- From your point of view, [summarize their view].”
- From your point of view, [summarize their view].”
- “Let me make sure I’ve got this right: [summary of key points].”
By paraphrasing what your partner is saying, you show that you are paying attention and that you are actively listening and trying to understand with an open mind. This can be challenging if you disagree with what has been said, as it’s not your time to share your thoughts or perspective, This phase is just about acknowledging what your partner is saying and letting him speak without you taking over.
5. Stop trying to win, be a team
In every couple’s relationship, there is conflict and conflict is all about trying to convince your partner of your perspective, adopt your view, and align with your vision. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this is not how it works, unfortunately. And what happens in this kind of situation? You are so busy trying to convince your partner of your view that you don’t actually listen to what he has to say. Instead, try to take a step back, get out of your emotions, and remember what this is all about: being a team that makes it work together – not a competition! So when emotions are high, you realize that it’s very hard to listen, take a break, calm down, and then try again.
6. Listening isn’t problem-solving
This can be hard, as whenever our partner comes to us with a problem or concern, we are naturally inclined to try to solve this problem right away. However, it’s important to understand when our partner actually wants us to solve a problem and when they just need us to listen so they can vent or share their feelings in a safe space. Sometimes it’s not about solving a problem in a couple’s relationship but about how to be a better listener. Listening to each other, and giving each other room to share without straight ways jumping into problem-solving mode, is more valuable than you might think and part of the wonderful feminine qualities high value men love and need. After all, we need to feel like our partner sees us, is interested in us, and understands what we are going through. There is nothing that builds more connection than being able to be vulnerable with your partner, and him or her providing a safe space for you to share.
7. Listen without judgment
How to be a Better Listener in a Relationship? Listen without judgment, even if you are getting triggered by what your partner is sharing. Try to take a few breaths and keep listening instead of reacting. This is probably one of the hardest challenges couple’s communication, but once mastered, it’s totally worth it. Try to shift your mindset and remind yourself that what your partner is sharing doesn’t come from ill intent. It might also take them a lot of courage to share a mistake or something that you might disagree with, therefore it’s important for you to listen and encourage them to be open and share what they are going through. It’s ok to acknowledge your biases and reflect on your own beliefs or assumptions that might influence your reactions but avoid dismissive language or being reactive and judgemental as this will make your partner feel unsafe to share in the future.
8. Don’t interrupt
Whenever your partner shares something, it’s crucial not to interrupt and give him the space to communicate. We tend to want to skip in and share our own thoughts, emotions, and experiences but part of how to become a better listener in a relationship is by taking ourselves back and giving our partner the space he needs to talk. I get it, it’s sometimes hard when the attention isn’t on us, but remember that there are times when your partner really needs your undivided attention and empathy.
Listening to each other is a non-negotiable in every couple’s relationship. With these 8 steps, you have learned the foundation of how to be a better listener in a relationship and are ready to embrace the process of improving your communication skills. Be patient with yourself, it’s not always as easy as it seems, but every couple’s relationship will benefit from active listening. So stay curious as there is always more things to know about your partner, grow closer, and build a thriving connection. If you need help in actively listening and communicating with your partner I am happy to help! Contact me here, I can’t wait to be part of your journey!
This post is all about how to be a better listener in a relationship.
